Through each passing day, you try to alter more and more of who you are to reflect what you want in life.
But you’re losing yourself in the process. Is that what you want?
Of course, part of you loves it – to be destroyed by ambition.
To be destroyed by love.
What could feel better than to let those things break you?
But the more you change, the dimmer your own light shines. Paradoxically, by wanting to improve you accidentally destroy the aspects of your life that are so perfect and meaningful that you’ll never fully get over it.
Yet you want. You desire.
My life has always resembled a Greek tragedy, a perpetual Stasimon phase where I serve as both the narrator and the observer. Like the chorus, I am forever commenting on the unfolding drama of my existence. So satiated by the ordinary, so bored by the conventional. Bending the frame of my own existence until it gets large enough to fit … me. In my quest for meaning, I find myself molding my very existence to fit into a larger frame.
Most curiously – I was gifted (or cursed) to notice the contradictions (or internal struggles) of a person the first time we meet. As a rule of thumb, I can say; a stronger intellect means a thicker sheep’s clothing. Yet, society values the act of conforming and sacrificing individual thought for the sake of appeasing others. Is this truly virtuous, or merely a form of self-imposed confinement until one can no longer contain or reform their thoughts? Jumping back to the paragraph above – you desire. You want the person in front of you to be what you projected unto them.
You will get swept up in desire and passion, and I will take imperfection and consume it in its whole. My understanding of the inherent futility of love paradoxically fuels my determination to persist in loving nonetheless, for it is in this pursuit that I find my purpose. However, for my existence to truly hold meaning, the very structures of the world around me must contort and bend to accommodate my vision.
How much strain can a frame withstand before it shatters beyond repair?
